You Create Your Life | Tobias' 30 Day Raw Food Challenge

Saturday, 28.05.11

I got up the next morning, had breakfast.

I went again to the art room and again had no clue as what to do there.

Time slowed down soo much here.

Another white paper, pregnant with possibilities.

Water colors?.

Then I felt the urge to make a list, a plan, a direction.

Reflecting on all the different areas of my life.

A task I give my clients often, when stuck:

Start by writing what you have, that makes you happy

Then write what does not work and needs changing

The use EFT

Then write down your life the way you want it – you vision.

I rolled up my sleeves ready for the work being done.

And I got stuck on my first word.

What makes me happy? :

My son.

My hand was drawn away from the pen to the gentle brush and I just went along.

In a daze a bit like a trans, two hours later.

My Son.

I still got it, surprisingly, I was never any good at portraits.

This was o.k., even more than that.

A walk and lunch and more silence.

I took a note pad and a pen and set.

The pen got heavy with pain, the Note pad was patiently listening.

When pen met paper it never stopped and opened a stream of inspiration.

First a letter to my Man, Tobias.

I never saw it that clear. I never managed to tell him what I wanted.

I just assumed he would know how I feel and would know all the ways to cure it.

Impossible the task for him to give me what I need. I was never clear about what it is and how needing feels. I got my life, good health, I got enough food, I m sheltered and abundant, I feel loved more than most have, what is there to need beside that?

I made a cup of tea and it started to flow.

It came to paper and it came to me, that there is some need that was never met.

It screamed from the page and jumped out of my heart.

‘I need to be able to trust YOU.’

I need YOU to cover my back.

It feels like:

When I am weak I can not afford to lean on you, my man.

As it might just be that you are hurt and will drop me a 1000ft deep.

The tea was ready to drink now, only a few minutes have passed.

One page was done, I cried a river.

I needed a snooze, something I have not done in years.

I slept for 2 hours heavy as a brick. I got up and stretched and had dinner.